hate your kid

Why I Hate Your Kid

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Okay, maybe “hate your kid“, is a bit extreme, but so is your kid. 

Our old house was the neighborhood hangout.  Rainy days, our house.  Wet, snowy days for hot chocolate breaks while waiting for machine dried clothes, our house.

Funny thing is, now we have a much bigger yard and an awesome basement family room, but the fact that there are less neighborhood kids and of course, that we take care of Grandma, it’s not back up to the fun house status yet.

It was easy to be the fun house in the old neighborhood. 

Since most other houses had one simple rule that kept that from happening.

No kids in their house anytime, for any reason.

Seriously, no bathroom, no phone use, nothing, some parents didn’t even give their own kids snacks, let alone share with anyone.

Don’t get me wrong. I liked that we were the cool house.

The one with the snacks, the one the parents let you hang out at. It wasn’t even an issue that we had rules because kids just wanted to feel welcome.

I like knowing where my kids are, what they’re doing and who they are playing with. But with that awesome title, came these irritating brats.

Sarcastic humor about why I hate your kid

#1 The Screamer

Why I Hate Your Kid

This kid screams for no clear reason but to bring everyone running for fear of severe injury, a rabid pack of dogs or zombie apocalypse. 

Out in the neighborhood is irritating enough, but some of them are doing it in the middle of a store or other place when it’s not playtime. 

Not trying to be the fun police here, but shut the hell up.

I don’t mean laughing and squealing, or talking loud. More like blood-curdling high-pitched screaming.

I hate this.

It bugs the crap out of me and I am sure out of any neighbors.

Not that I care too much about what the neighbors think, but I don’t want them to hate us either.

Maybe it’s because I hate it so much that I killed that habit before it started.

I’ve been known to run at breakneck speed outside when I heard one of my kids screaming. I know they weren’t hurt. I could tell they were just screaming for the sake of screaming. 

After doing this maybe one or two times per child. It never happened again.

If only every behavior could have been nipped in the bud so easily.

Once we brought a neighbor with us to an arcade.

He threw himself on the floor after losing the first point of an air hockey game and started having a complete meltdown.

We thought he was joking. He wasn’t, and he was 12.

Before I get hate mail. No, he does not have any special needs. He really is just a brat.

Meet his sister…

#2 The walking tornado

Why I Hate Your Kid

She’s the kid who takes out every toy and then some.

She is also the one who has too many ideas and a lot of influence.

Like playing with nail polish on the carpet or creating “recipes” in your kitchen.

All of this involves taking out many items that not only don’t get put away, they require a big clean up after.

I am all for fun, creativity and just being a kid. I homeschool after all.

However, it also comes with cleaning up after yourself, or working as a team when you make the mess together.

We’ve always had a few rules with our kids.

One of them was to pick up the toys.

From the time they were very small, they did this. It wasn’t something we asked them to do, they were taught it was their job and it was expected.

Of course, there were exceptions during sickness or whatever, we’re not dictators.

We reminded them when they headed off to someone’s house and we told their guests too.

As soon as they were heading for toys, we let them know, “just pick up before you go”.

We made sure they agreed.

One neighbor who only came over twice. We let her know the pickup rule and she agreed.

When she started to leave to go home, I reminded her.

She just looked at me and walked out the front door. She was 10!

I was shocked.

The next time, as soon as she arrived she was reminded and I mentioned the last visit.

She immediately got up and walked out, leaving the door wide open.

I followed her to the side-walk remarking on the open door.

Her response “It’s not like you have a cat.” Then she walked away!

I shouldn’t have been surprised.

This is the same girl who bullied my oldest son, slapped my younger son and smashed my daughters head against a stone wall.

Her brother, who you met in #1, punched my son knocked him unconscious and left.

He suffered from concussion symptoms for two weeks.

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 #3 The shadow

Why I Hate Your Kid

If my kid’s friends like me, great, it will make things work more smoothly and it will be extra great if I like them too.

If I don’t like them, well it depends on why, how that will go.

How about if they don’t like me? Oh well, not gonna lose sleep over it.

But what about the one who thinks they are my new best friend.

Oh, crap. They are usually an excessive talker too.

Sure, say “hi”. Ask how I am. Be polite. Engage in group conversation if we’re having you over for dinner. All good.

But I’m sure if the kids are outside playing or in the family room with a movie, that’s probably where you belong too.

We’ve had kids over who you could tell really needed another adult to talk to, a little friendly guidance.  That’s okay.  I’m glad we make you comfortable enough to talk to us.  We’ll help if it’s appropriate.

But for the 8-year-old who wants to talk for 45 minutes about nothing while the others are having a great time playing baseball…get out, I have things to do.

#4 The Mute

Why I Hate Your Kid

This kid never says anything. Usually quiet = good. But this kid says nothing.

Me: hi

Kid: (breathes)

Me: (cooks dinner, allows to sleep over, cooks breakfast, drives home)

Kid: (breathes)

Me: Bye

Kid: (breathes)

Me: WTF?! It’s like The Sixth Sense and I’m not really here

Kid: (already gone, because I don’t talk like that in front of other people’s kids)

One time a kid stayed for dinner.

He literally got up in the middle of dinner. Left a barely touched plate of food at the table. Walked out and rode his bike home. Never said a word. This was a plate of food we added when we hadn’t planned on a guest and my husband who worked for said food gave most of his portion to the kid.

Steak tips on his birthday no less.

“What about you?”, you ask.

Well, thank you for asking.

Am I saying our kids are perfect? Hell, no.

We have one who can’t stop talking, just like me, lol.

He talks from when he gets up until he goes to sleep.

Calls to you when he is the shower and on the toilet. He also must have the last word. He’d be captain of the debate team if we had a debate team.

We keep telling him this is not a democracy. He will wear you down until you break, or want to break something. This habit is not going away. He’s 14. If he makes you half as tired as he does me, you are exhausted.

We once had a little league coach tell us “Gee, that one is going to be captain of his own ship someday.”

I can say though – other parents tell me he is polite, helps out, cleans up after himself and he gets invited back.

So… good, he just annoys us.  Sorry. Love you, Gooba.

We have another one who has tried to get into our bed since she was born. 

In times of weakness, like being eight months pregnant and desperate for sleep, we gave in. Sometimes she asks us ahead of time, or jumps in with a smile, hoping we’ll say yes.

Sometimes she falls asleep in her bed first and shows up sometime during the night. Elbows to the face and toes up our butts are par for the course. Off and on, sometimes for months, it has been nearly ten years and she’s finally getting better.

For how to fix that problem, read my post, Can’t You Just Sleep in Your Own Damn Bed. – Love you, Quinncess.

When my youngest son was about 5 he’d spend hours in his room making sure everything was neat.

Sometimes I would find him refolding clothes. Ones that were fine to start with. Now he’s eight, half the time, I can’t see the floor.

Nearly every day, I have to ask him to put away clean clothes, pick up dirty ones or make him refold the outfits he took out to wear and either changed his mind or changed based on the activity he was doing. His drawers are a disaster.

Seriously, I thought we had that one down, what happened I don’t know.

I do know that when the whole cub scout den is screaming during the meeting he doesn’t say a word, and I also know when he’s given the green light for play time he’s as rowdy as the rest. – Love you, BubbaMagoo

So no, our kids aren’t perfect.  I’ll take the quirks they have over your rotten freak shows any day.

We’re just as glad they are a part of our family, as we are that yours don’t belong to us. 

Course if they did, maybe they wouldn’t be such a**holes and I wouldn’t have to hate them.

What’s the kid that bugs you the most?

Got annoying adults in your neighborhood too?

Then you might like this:  4 Signs You’re the Annoying Neighbor

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Why I Hate Your Kid - Pardon Me, My Crown Slipped


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12 thoughts on “Why I Hate Your Kid”

    • Hi Summer,

      Right! 🙂 So glad we moved away from all these kids, new neighbors have new annoying habits, might be time for a 5 more reasons, lol

  1. I totally agree. Our house is the fun house. 2 days a weeks I have 4 kids that aren’t mine here. They will rip open my snack drawer, run through out my house. When I drop them all off at gymnastics. They don’t say a word. I told them they need to say thank you. Their parents don’t even pack them a snack for a 3.5 hour practice…so guess who feeds them one yep me. My kids never get invited to anyones house…but everyone is sure happy to bring their kiddos over.

    • Hey Shelley, I sooo get it. That used to be the way in our old neighborhood….now there aren’t as many kids around and my kids like to hang next door…for now I’ll take it ;). Thanks for commenting

  2. amazing post!!!! about died laughing, genious. you said it not me.! haha. anyways I’m a mother of four little girls. ages are from 7, 5,4, and the youngest 8 months. i used to work in a daycare as a teacher and i had a love hate relationship with some of the brats i had in my class. now that im a mother of my own i cring at the thought of sleep overs, parties, or playdates. i hate other peoples kids, cause mine are plenty to deal with.

    i have one friend a good friend who just had a daughter her self and her.and i always bash others kids like this. so your not alone. clearly neither are we. 🙂

    • Hey K, Right. You feel like you’re a jerk for thinking most of the kids you know are a*holes. I get you, I so cringe when we get invites to kid parties. Some have been known to magically disappear. Oopsie. Not. 😉 Out of site, out of mind. Glad mine are getting old enough for drop and run.
      It’s nice to find other moms who are willing to admit it too. I think there’s more of us and many of the rest are just a bunch of fakes. Sounds mean, but at 46 I’ve decided to stop wasting my time on things that I don’t really want to do. I’m pretty honest with my kids too. as in “hey, that kid’s a…” fill in the blank for the situation They get to recognize it and it helps them find the types of kids they want to be friends with and the kind of person they want to be remembered for. You know it’s working, when people complement you on your kid and say, we’ll have them over anytime. Thanks for stopping by. 🙂

  3. I totally get it! Laughed so hard and knew exactly what you meant! I’m a SAHM of four, oldest 12, youngest 3. My mom was much like you always letting us have friends over (and we had 7 kids in our family!) Wish I could be like that but I get too overwhelmed by other people’s kids in our small house, sometimes for the reasons you mentioned…I have some stories too! I’m sure those who are put off by your comments either don’t have kids, are raising the brats you speak of but think they are angels, or are the parents who never let other kids in their homes. I do a lot of volunteering at our church, so while kids aren’t coming in my house, i could make my own list based on the kids I work with there…all satire of course. Go ahead and vent girl! No judgement here, it’s what keeps you sane in “real life”!?

    • Hey Kara, Thanks so much for commenting. Glad to know I’m not alone. Sometimes I wonder if the parents, or should I say moms, are just liars and fakes. Like maybe if they were bugged long enough by these entitled little brats they would snap and lose it. All high and mighty no more, lol. I’d love to write that story.

    • Hi Dora,

      To each their own. It really was meant to be funny. Since I don’t have a confrontational bone in my body, my online alter-ego gets to say what I often think but don’t say.



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